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消消气
全都给烧了？你确定是他吗？ Was it burned to the ground? Are you sure it's him?
哦 你很确定 他都承认了？ You're positive. Has he admitted to it?
没那么糟吧 It can't be that bad.
听着 又没死人 也没人受伤 Look, no one was killed, no one was hurt.
当然不！ No!
你猜啥？我得过几分钟再打给你，好吗？ You know what? I got to call you back in a few minutes, okay?
我不敢相信是他做的 我很抱歉 我只有这么给你说 拜 I can't believe he did this. I'm very sorry, that's all I can tell you. 'Bye.
发生什么了？ What's going on?
-你知道我之前... -你这儿有纸巾啥的吗？ - You know, l... - You got a tissue or something in here?
没有 No.
刚那怎么回事？ What's all that about?
-你不用纸巾了？ -嗯 刚才是什么事啊？ - You okay? - Yeah! What's going on?
我资助了内城贫民区的一孩子去夏令营 I sponsored a kid from the inner city to go to summer camp.
-你资助了一个内城贫民区的小孩？ -一个十分贫穷的孩子 - You sponsored an inner-city kid? - An underprivileged kid.
-你开玩笑吧 -没有 - You're kidding. - No.
我简直是...懵逼 我这词用对了吗？ I'm completely nonplussed. Is that the right word?
我不知道什么词合适 我反正是要爆炸 来我给你说为啥 I don't know what the right word is. I'm flabbergasted, I'll tell you why.
他放火烧了他们的食堂和他自己的小屋 He set fire to the canteen and his cabin.
-这事儿谁能做的出来？ -我的天哪 - Who does that? - Oh, my God!
-简直疯了 -贼厉害 - That's insane. - Holy cow!
真是遗憾 That's too bad.
-你是做好事 结果呢？ -被反搞一刀 - You do something nice, see what happens? - You get screwed.
你就做了一件好事 我估计这是你第一次做好事吧 You do one nice thing. I assume it's the first nice thing you've ever done.
你真会夸人 真谢谢您了喂 You're so complimentary. Very nice of you.
那你也比我做的好事多 有次我试图阻止一个女的... It would put you one up on me in that case, though I did try and stop a woman...
她差点被车撞了 然后我大叫“小心！” who was about to get hit by a car, I screamed, "Watch out!"
然后她说：“我不要你来告诉我我该做什么！” And she said, "Don't you tell me what to do!"
我试着救她的命 而她却对着我大叫 I tried to save her and she screamed at me.
然后你因为这事儿就不再帮助别人了 That's all it took for you to stop helping people.
-我洗手不干了 好人让他们做去 -我现在也不打算干了 这次放火的事儿之后 - I got out of the nice business then. - I'm out of the nice now, after a fire.
说不定你只是没了解清楚真相和细节 Maybe you don't have all the facts and details.
-我得和这孩子谈谈 -和他谈谈吧 看他有什么好说的 - I've got to talk to the kid. - Talk to the kid, see what he has to say.
-我得搞清楚这事儿 -话说回来 他还不如是个... - I've got to find out. - In retrospect, it would have been better...
偷盗狂或者其它怪癖者... had he been a kleptomaniac or another kind of maniac...
-而不要去当个纵火狂 纵火狂也真的太... -纵火癖在各种怪癖里都算次的 - rather than pyro, because that's... - Pyro's a bad maniac.
如果你准备当个怪癖者 别当纵火狂 If you're gonna be a maniac, pyro is a bad maniac.
-不是什么好的怪癖 -真不是 - Not a good maniac. - That's not a good maniac.
谢丽儿打电话了 她让我提醒你今晚早点回家 好吧？ Cheryl called. She wanted me to remind you to come home early tonight, okay?
-好 谢了 -你为什么得早回家？ - Okay, thank you. - Why do you have to be home early?
我们后院有这么根电线 We've got this wire in our backyard.
我老婆总想着把它搞掉 因为它毁掉了整个景致 My wife's obsessed with taking it down because it's ruining the view.
她想把那根电线埋到地下 She wants to bury it underground.
为了这个 我们要搞到最邻近住户的签字 To do that, we have to get signatures from adjacent neighbors.
有五个都签了 一对夫妇不愿意签 他们想先见见我们 Five have signed on. One couple won't sign it, they wanna meet us first.
-你听过这么古怪的人吗？ -没有 - You ever heard of anything so nutty? - Never.
-他们为什么要这么做？ -真是有病 - Why are they doing that? - It's really wrong.
有毛病吧 没事儿做了 It's very wrong. It's so wrong.
-这件呢？ -这件可以 好多了 - How's this? - That's better. Much better.
-差别在哪儿 -差别大了 - It doesn't look better. - It does.
你觉得穿这件他们会更喜欢我？ You think they'll like me better in this shirt?
-当然了 求你了 就当为了我 -我这不是穿了吗？ - They will. Please, just do this for me. - I'm doing it.
我必须得把那电线搞掉 它快把我弄疯了 I've got to get rid of that wire. It's making me crazy.
你怎么觉得 一切看起来妥当了吗？ What do you think? Does everything look all right?
-挺好的 屋子看起来很整洁 -枕头啊还有... - It looks fine, the house looks great. - The pillows and the...
谁会在乎？看起来挺好的 谁看的出来 Who gives a shit? Looks okay, what's the difference?
-那好 就这样了 -把这事儿解决了吧 - Okay, here we go. - Let's get this over with.
好 拿出你最好的表现来 All right, best behavior, please.
-请进 -迪恩 - Please come in. - Dean.
-嗨 迪恩 我叫拉里 -嗨 菲丽斯 - Hi, Dean, I'm Larry. - Hi, Phyllis.
吃了吗都？ How you guys doing?
我终于踏进门了 这房子是靠杰瑞宋飞建起来的诶！ I'm finally in the house that Jerry Seinfeld built.
对 用他的双手 和几把锤子 亲手建的 和吉米卡特一起 With his own hands, and some hammers. He actually worked on it, like Jimmy Carter.
吉米卡特:第39届美国总统,1977年当选
他可会做木工活了 He can do that kind of thing.
好了 这个是客厅 Okay, this is the living room.
-那是瑞士咖啡豆还是香草豆？ -我觉得是麦粒素 - Is that Swiss coffee or vanilla bean? - I think it's Chocolate Cho-Cho.
他在耍嘴皮子 你知道的 我们出去吧 我带你们看看问题在哪儿 He's teasing, you know. Let's head outside. Let me show you the problem.
就是这儿了 这就是我们从早到晚看的东西 There it is. That's what we've been looking at day and night.
天呐 Jesus Christ.
大概从我们一搬进来... It was like that when we moved in...
这东西就搞得我非常烦 我都无法形容 and it has been bugging me so much, I can't even tell you.
我都想离婚了 受不了她那样子 I'm gonna get a divorce, I'm telling you. I can't take her anymore!
真差劲 告诉我具体要做什么 这个情况不能再继续了 That's horrible. Tell me exactly what has to be done, because that has got to be fixed.
-真差劲 -你们只需要签个字就行 - That's horrible. - All you have to do is sign some papers.
-对 -我们打理其他所有事 - Right. - We've taken care of everything else.
他们会把它埋在地下 没有污染 They put it underground. It's environmentally safe.
-必须得埋 -谢谢你 - This has to be buried. - Thank you.
让留言机接吧 没事 Let the machine get it, it's okay.
嗨 我们此时不在家 所以直接留言吧 Hi, we're not in right now, so just leave a message.
拉里 我是杰夫 Larry, it's Jeff.
我资助的那个孩子 放火的那个... That kid that I sponsored, the one who set that fire...
宿营管理员打电话了 The camp called.
他们打算让我来赔付17000美刀的损失费 我！ They want me to pay $17,000 in damages. Me!
如果你认识能解决这种事儿的律师 联系我 If you know any lawyer who handles such things, call me.
不管怎样 给我回电 我要疯了 拜 Call me anyhow. I'm nuts! 'Bye.
-好吧 我不知道那是谁... -那是我经纪人 - Okay, I didn't know who that was... - That's my manager.
-我是一个律师 -是吗？ - I'm a lawyer. - You are?
真的？ Really?
-杰夫是说他需要一个律师吗？ -我不小心听到了 你们在... - Did Jeff say he needed a lawyer? - I overheard that, that you were...
-我的天 -上的是罗格斯大学 还有佛蒙特大学 - Oh, my gosh. - Rutgers and University of Vermont, too.
-贼溜 -你看看！ - Holy! - Look at this.
命数 是这么说的吗？ Kismet. Isn't that what it's called?
-我很愿意把你号码给他 -我很愿意能帮上忙 - I'll be happy to give him your number. - I'm happy to help out.
你瞧 你找到一位新客户了 你会想到过来一趟能找到新客户吗？ See, you got a new client. Did you think you'd come and get a new client?
而且谁说得准 说不定哪天我也会需要一个律师呢 And who knows, you know what? Maybe I'll be able to need a lawyer someday.
-一切皆有可能 -有很多人告我的 - Anything could happen. - A lot of people sue me.
我很野的 说不定你都会告我 I'm very vulgar and... You might wind up suing me.
我绝对不会告你 不会的 I would never sue you, no.
我能问你一个问题吗？ Can I ask you a question?
剧组成员经常到你家里来吗？ Do the cast members ever come over to the house?
他们会不会到这儿来 和你在泳池边谈个心或者... Do they come here and just hang out with you by the pool and...
不会在泳池边啦 但是他们会过来 是的 Not by the pool, but they have come over, yes.
-他们和我们是朋友 -告诉他们谁是你最... - They're friends. - Tell them the truth about your biggest...
我就直接说了 她在剧里扮演伊莱恩 I'll just say it: She played Elaine on the show.
-茱莉亚 -他迷死她了 -Julia. - He's obsessed with her.
-他觉得她是最有才气的女演员 -茱莉亚的确很棒 - He thinks she's the most talented actress. - She's great.
好吧 她不只是漂亮 也不只是有天赋 她是超群的 Okay, she's not just beautiful, and she's not just talented. She's sublime.
告诉我我是不是过分了... Tell me if I'm going over the line here...
不过我一直以来的梦想就是 but it's always been a dream of mine...
能见到茱莉亚路易斯-德利法斯 能见上她本人一面 to meet Julia Louis-Dreyfus, just meet her in person.
然后如果你能打个电话 促成这事儿 那就最好了 And if you could just make a phone call, make that happen, that would be so great.
我很愿意给她打电话 I'm more than happy to call her up.
我不保证啊 I can't guarantee.
什么事都没办法完全保证的 It's so hard to get anything absolutely guaranteed.
就像你想埋掉点什么 谁也不能保证它就能被埋掉 Like you want to get something buried, you don't know if it's guaranteed.
你甚至不知道是不是...太多文件要签字了 You don't even know if that... There's a lot of papers to be signed.
我认同你们的想法 I agree with you there.
我知道我能办成点事儿 I know I can make something happen.
我没说 “我觉得我可以” 我就是能把这事儿做成 I don't say, "I think I can." I can make something happen.
我只是想说清楚... I just wanted to be clear...
-我觉得你说的够清楚了 -我们看法是一致的 - I think you're pretty clear. - We have an understanding.
这东西得被埋掉 This has to be buried.
-我把我号码给你 -真棒 - I'm going to give you my number. - Great.
行 我们边走边说 Yeah, we'll do that on the way out.
-真高兴见到你们 -你们想来吃晚餐吗？ - It's so nice to meet you guys. - Would you like to have dinner, too?
我锅里炖了些好菜 I've got a nice casserole in the oven right now.
-我真想吃你的炖菜 -听着我可以打包 然后... - I would kill to have your casserole. - Listen, I can wrap it up...
我没办法 因为我现在感觉胃疼 I can't do it because there's something wrong with my stomach.
-好吗？我没办法 -感谢你们过来一趟 - Okay? I can't. - Thank you so much for coming over.
让我带你们出去 Let me just show you out.
操他！ Fuck him!
茱莉亚路易斯-德利法斯才不会出现在他家 Julia Louis-Dreyfus is not showing up at his house...
打死我我也不会打电话让她去 and you'll have to kill me before I call her to do that.
大不了我就搬家 你懂吗？ And I will move, do you understand me?
我搬家都不会打那通电话 搬走！ I will move before I make that phone call. Move!
如果你想把那电线搞下来 再找个房子 If you want to get that wire down, look for a house.
先冷静下 好吗？ Let's relax for a moment, okay?
深呼吸一口气 Take a deep breath.
这男的得有多少 40岁了吧？他非得见茱莉亚路易斯-德利法斯！ What's the guy, 40 years old? He's got to meet Julia Louis-Dreyfus!
-这什么人啊？ -他就是个影迷 - What kind of person is that? - He's a fan.
他觉得见一面又能怎样？ What does he expect to gain from such a meeting?
他在想啥？他一出现 茱莉亚就会被他吸引... What does he think? He'll go over there, she'll be so charmed by him...
突然他们就变成朋友了？ that all of a sudden they'll be friends?
然后他们互相打电话 去约饭 约电影？ They'll talk on the phone, go out to dinner, go to the movies?
开始给彼此发邮件？夏天一起去度假？ Start e-mailing each other? Summer vacations?
他脑子他妈被狗吃了吗？ Is he out of his fucking mind?
一通电话 一个小忙 One phone call, one small favor...
就能让这个房子十全十美了 to make this house completely perfect.
我实在受不了那电线了 I can't live with that wire any longer.
我做了这么多 就是想搞掉... I've done so much work trying to get this removed...
为什么床上非得摆上300个枕头？ Why do there have to be 300 pillows on the bed?
听着 拜托了 我在请求你 Listen, please, I'm asking you.
我觉得她不会介意 她说不定只会觉得这很好笑 I don't think she'll mind. And she'll probably think it's funny.
对 她肯定会觉得这很好笑 Yeah, she's gonna think it's really funny.
我本来真的以为这波我们赚了 因为律师那茬 杰夫的律师 I really thought we had the deal cinched with the lawyer, with Jeff.
-我知道 -我得给杰夫打电话告诉他 - I know. - I should call Jeff and tell him about this.
等等 现在几点了？ Wait, what time is it?
-10:20 -10:00是休息时间了 - It's 10:20. - 10:00 is the cut-off time.
-你不能十点之后给别人打电话了 -不是 休息时间是是十点半 - You don't call people after 10:00. - No, the cut-off time is 10:30.
他们家里有小孩 They have kids.
-十点后你就不能打电话了 -不是 是十点半 - You don't call after 10:00. - No, 10:30.
-休息时间是... -是吗？ - The cut-off time... - Is that right?
是的 休息时间是十点半 谁都知道 Yeah, cut-off time's 10:30. Everybody knows that.
都这么说的 十点半休息时间 It's a 10:30 cut-off.
苏西 我是拉里 我把你吵醒了吗？ Susie, it's Larry. Did I wake you?
真是对不起 I'm really sorry.
不 没事 我明天给他说就行 No, it's nothing. I'll just talk to him tomorrow.
不用了 真的对不起 No, I'm really sorry.
好 好的 Okay. All right.
你看吧 结果怎样？ How'd that work out for you?
重回百老汇
苏西气炸了 她真的很生气 Susie was pretty pissed off. She's really upset.
-十点是休息时间了 哥们 -我以为休息时间是十点半 - 10:00 is the cut-off, man. - I thought the cut-off was 10:30.
不 你是10:20打来的 10:00就是休息时间了 你10:01打过来 她一样会生气 No, 10:20, you called, 10:00 the cut-off. If you called at 10:01, she'd be just as mad.
-是吗？ -听着 我麻烦大了 - Is that right? - Listen, I've got a big problem.
迪恩 你的律师朋友 我觉得他不称职 Dean, your lawyer friend, I don't think he's competent.
-你给我介绍了个怪胎 -他也许只是个好律师 - You hooked me up with a freak. - He's probably a good lawyer.
-他是个奇怪的人 -他很奇怪 但他很狡猾 - He's a weird guy. - He's weird, but he's very shrewd.
狡猾？他是埋电线附赠的吧 我知道了 Shrewd? He's a wire lawyer, I know.
我知道你在干什么了 I know what you're doing.
你给我找个又贵又傻的律师 所以你好把电线埋了 You've got me some expensive idiot lawyer, so you can have your wire dropped down.
-我知道你的把戏 -对不起 - I know your games. - I'm sorry.
给我介绍这个人 你是把我耍了 我现在知道了 我想告诉你我知道了 You screwed me with this guy, I know it. I wanna let you know that I know it.
等等 首先 我都不用把整个故事给你都讲一遍 Wait, first of all, I didn't even have to tell you the story behind that.
-你再观察他几天 -我想把他炒了 - See how he does, a few more days. - I wanna fire him.
-你不能炒他 -我必须得 他是个怪胎 - You cannot get rid of him. - I have to, he's a freak.
我知道他是 不过 拜托了 你要是把他炒了 I know he is, but please, if you get rid of him...
我们永远都没法把后院那电线搞掉了 we're never gonna get rid of that wire in the backyard.
那人是个十足的混蛋 他会把工作做好的 混蛋工作都做得好 The guy's a total prick, he'll do a good job, believe me. Pricks are good.
你需要一个混蛋 这个人就是 你看看自己呗 You want a prick, and this guy's a prick. Look at you.
你就是个混蛋 你工作做得多好 你就是你是不是混蛋吧 You're a prick, you're doing a good job. Are you a prick or not?
-我是个混蛋 -在工作上 你是不是个混蛋？ - I am a prick. - In business, are you a prick?
-这个人比你还混蛋 -你没把这当回事儿 - This guy's a bigger prick than you. - You're not taking this seriously.
夏令营要控告我 他们要让我给钱 The camp's gonna charge me. They're trying to get me to pay.
我知道 I know.
听我说 那个小孩 他给我打电话了 求我收留他 Listen to me, that kid, he called me, begging me to come stay with me.
他被赶出夏令营了 想待在我家 He got kicked out of the camp, he wants to stay at my house.
-你开玩笑吧 -他说:"如果我回家早了 - You're kidding. - He said, "If I go home early from camp...
"我妈会杀了我，她会觉得我做坏事了。" "my mom will kill me, thinking I did bad things."
-你让这孩子住你家？ -嗯 - You let this kid stay in your house? - Yeah.
所以 你要收留一个反社会分子好几天？ So, you're going to put up a sociopath for a couple of days?
-他不是反社会分子 他是个好孩子 -他把食堂都烧了 - He's not a sociopath, he's a good kid. - He burned down the canteen.
他烧了食堂和小屋 但都是不小心的 He burned down the canteen, and the cabin, but they were both accidents.
-有保险吗？ -有 - Got insurance? - Yeah.
让这孩子把我家烧了吧 这样我就不用担心那根电线了 Get the kid to burn my house, so I don't have to worry about the wire.
我乐意 我很乐意 That I would love to do. I would love to do that.
-再次感谢 -没事 不过我得告诉你 - Thanks again. - It's fine, but I have to tell you something.
我只有十分钟 最多 因为我得赶去学校 I've got 10 minutes, tops, that's it, because I got to get to school.
整个事儿一共 好吧 真的 The whole thing, okay, really.
-是谁啊？ -拉里大卫 - Who is it? - It's Larry David.
-你一个人吗？ -不 和茱莉亚一起 - Are you by yourself? - No, I'm with Julia.
噢 我的... 你还好吗？ Oh, my... Are you okay?
-我的天 -茱莉亚路易斯-德利法斯 这是菲丽斯 - Oh, my God. - Julia Louis-Dreyfus, this is Phyllis.
-魏因斯托克 菲丽斯魏因斯托克 -嗨 很高兴见到你 - Weinstock, Phyllis Weinstock. - Hi, it's nice to meet you.
你还好吗？ Are you okay?
-说好也好 说不好也不好 -哦 天呐 - Yes and no. - Oh, dear.
好坏参半 Yes and no.
我的猫死了 My cat died.
快进来 Please come in.
请坐 Please sit down.
-迪恩呢？ -迪恩和杰夫在一起 - Where's Dean? - Dean's with Jeff.
他和杰夫一起干嘛？ Why is he with Jeff?
-谁是杰夫？ -我经纪人 - Who is Jeff? - Jeff's my manager.
对 杰夫格林 他和杰夫在一起 Yeah, Jeff Greene. He's with Jeff.
他打电话了 说:"我20到25分钟就能到家 He called, he said, "I'll be home in 20 or 25 minutes.
"别让他们走了。" 我说:"别担心。" "Don't let them leave." I said, "Don't worry about that."
我等不了那么久 真的 I can't wait here this long, really.
这个时机不好 This is just bad timing for me.
我得去... I've got to get out...
我很抱歉 你的猫的事 I'm so sorry about your cat.
嗯 它的尾巴被夹住了 Yeah, and its tail had been trapped...
园丁过来的时候 when the gardener came over...
它被卷到除草机里了 It had been trapped in the lawnmower...
天呐 God.
-可怜的猫 -我不想谈猫咪了 - Poor kitty. - I don't wanna talk about Mittens.
我有个更好的点子 嘿 我头脑风暴了一下 I've got a better idea. Hey, brainstorm.
菲丽斯刚想到一个完全... Phyllis has just had a complete...
我不知道我之前怎么没想到这个 摄像机 I don't know why I didn't think of this. Camcorder.
-我去拿摄像机 -不 别拿摄像机 - I'm getting the camcorder. - No, don't get a camcorder.
拜托 不要去 Please, don't.
好吧 我本来以为那个丈夫应该出现的 Okay, I thought that the husband was supposed to be here.
难道他不是应该出现在这儿吗？我们要见的不是他吗？ Isn't he supposed to be here? Is he the one we had to meet?
是 我们是要见他 只是再等十分钟罢了 Yeah, we're supposed to meet him. It's just another 10 minutes.
我没开玩笑 我必须得去孩子的学校了 I'm not kidding. I have to get to the kids' school.
这令人太气愤了 你认识这个女的吗？ This is just so outrageous. Do you know this woman?
我见过她一次 她来过我家 我给你说了的 I've met her once before. She came over to my house, I told you.
你的邻居真的是... You are living next to...
再给这个疯子10分钟 Give me another 10 minutes with this lunatic.
-她是个疯子 -她是个十足的疯子 - She's a lunatic. - She's a total lunatic.
-哦天 -这真棒 - Oh, God. - This is good.
嗨 茱莉亚 说话呀 Hi, Julia. Talk.
你知道 我不想扫兴 You know, I don't mean to be a party pooper...
但我不是很热衷这种摄像机 but I'm not really crazy about those camcorders.
你想让拉里对着机子说几句吗？ You want to ask Larry something on the machine?
好 让我... 好 Okay, just let me get... Okay.
给我说说杰瑞宋飞 Tell me about Jerry Seinfeld...
给我说说...他和那些年轻女的约会... and tell me about... He dates those young girls...
他是个阉人 是的 He's a eunuch. Yes.
他的睾丸在13岁被割掉了 His testicles were cut off when he was about 13...
因为他那时在Beth Shalom唱诗班 because he was in the Beth Shalom choir.
那就是他想做的事 他是个唱诗班男孩 And that's what he wanted to be, he was a choirboy.
茱莉亚 是这样的吗？他真的没有睾丸？ Julia, is that true? Does he really have no testicles?
你知道 我得告诉你 我真他妈不知道 You know, I've got to tell you, I don't have any fucking idea.
-我觉得这就够了 -迪恩肯定会喜欢这个 - I think that's enough. - Dean's gonna love this.
你猜啥？我想... You know what? I think...
我给杰夫打个电话 好吧？ I'm gonna call Jeff, okay?
-行 好主意 -你经纪人？ - Okay, good idea. - Your manager?
-镜头回到你这儿了 -你能让他快点吗？ - I'm coming back to you. - Could you make it quick?
告诉他我赶时间 And tell him I've got a time thing.
茱莉亚 看这儿 Julia, over here.
迪恩多久离开你那儿的？ What time did Dean leave?
-他还没走 他还在这儿 -啥？ - He didn't leave, he's still here. - What?
-他还在这儿 -他还在你那儿？ - He's still here. - He's still there?
你们在那边干什么呢？他理应在这边出现的！ What the hell are you doing over there? He's supposed to be here!
我不能把他赶走 我们这儿太忙了 I can't kick him out, we've got business to do.
你什么意思？我这儿在他家 茱莉亚路易斯-德利法斯等着他呢 What do you mean? I've got Julia Louis-Dreyfus in his house waiting for him!
我得挂了 他要收费... I gotta go, he's charging me...
这真荒唐 This is ridiculous.
好吧 我们得走了 Okay, we're gonna have to get going.
-别啊 -迪恩还在办公室里 - No. - Dean's still at the office.
-你逗我呢 -你开玩笑吧 - You're kidding me. - You're kidding.
-好吧 -那真是... - All right. - Well that's...
-怎么了？ -这真是不一般 - What's going on? - This is so unusual.
你猜啥？我买了 You know what? I'm gonna get this.
-真棒！ -这是唱的哪出？ - Great! - What is all this?
我是古董珠宝商 你不知道 I'm an antique jewelry dealer. You didn't know that.
-这件是我刚从... -我能看一下吗？ - And I just got this piece... - Can I see that for a second?
-茱莉亚简直爱死了 -我爱死它了 - Julia just fell in love with it. - I'm in love with it.
-我不敢相信 -我得告诉你 我特爱珠宝 - I can't believe it. - I've got to tell you, I just love jewelry.
这刚好是我准备给我老婆买的那条手链... This is the same bracelet I was gonna buy for my wife...
但是实际情况是 我和理查德路易斯打了起来... but what happened was, I got in a fight with Richard Lewis...
我本来准备买下这条的 I was gonna get this.
我从来没有转手一件珠宝这么快 I've never turned a piece of jewelry around this fast.
我爱死这条了 I love it.
谢谢 Thank you.
-我拿到茱莉亚路易斯-德利法斯的支票了！ -这真好看 - I have a check from Julia Louis-Dreyfus! - That's so pretty.
我想茱莉亚得再过来一次了 你得再安排一次会面 I guess Julia will have to come back over. You'll have to arrange another meeting.
你疯了吗？让茱莉亚再过来一次？ Are you out of your mind now? Get Julia back over there?
你觉得我会再一次让她来做这事？ You think I'm gonna ask her again to do this?
不行 我们不能就这样放弃 No, we're not gonna give up on it just like that.
我不会再求她来一次了 你想求她你去 I'm not asking her again. You want to ask her, you go ask her.
-我不会再求她 就这样 -拉里 你对我还有一点点关心吗？ - I'm not asking her again, that's it. - Larry, do you not even care about me?
我爱你 我关心你 但我和茱莉亚是有友谊的 I love you, I care about you, but I have a friendship with Julia.
我不能从那段友谊中再要求更多了 她已经帮过我这个忙了 I can't impose more on that friendship. She's already done this favor for me.
你怎么就不懂呢？ Don't you understand?
你再打个电话问问她能不能再抽个空 又不会死 It would not kill you to make a phone call, and ask her if she could reschedule.
我本子呢？ Where's my pad?
-什么东西？ -我找不到我的本子了 - What? - I can't find my pad.
-你那个小本子 -对 我的棕色小本 - Your little pad? - Yeah, my little brown pad.
你记想法和点子的那个本子？我不知道在哪儿 That you write your ideas down on? I don't know where that is.
我的本子跑哪儿去了？ Where the hell is my pad?
天呐！ Jesus!
我用它干嘛了来着？ What did I do with that?
我想我留在茱莉亚家了 在我去和她说迪恩的事的时候 I think I left it in Julia's house, when I talked to her about Dean.
我在她家厨房把本子拿出来过 那是我最后一次用它 I took it out in her kitchen. That's the last time I used it.
那要不你明天给她打电话吧 你可以问她... Then why don't you call her tomorrow, and you can ask her about...
我现在就给她打 I'll call her right now.
-等等 现在几点了？-9:50 - Wait, what time is it? - It's 9:50.
-多久是休息时间？ -十点 还有十分钟 - What time is the cut-off? - 10:00. 10 minutes before the cut-off.
-没问题 我还赶得上 -不 你都抵到最后了 - No problem, I'm right in there. - No, you're pushing it.
我没有抵到最后 2分钟是抵到最后 10分钟不是 I'm not pushing, 2 minutes is pushing. 10 minutes is not pushing.
这不是抵着 这是敞开着 That's not a push. That is right in the wheelhouse.
我在休息时间前还有十分钟 I have 10 minutes before the cut-off time.
嗨 茱莉亚 Hi, Julia.
真抱歉 I'm so sorry.
不啊 才9:50 No, it's 9:50.
真的吗？ Really?
我得告诉你 我从来没听说过定在九点半的休息时间 I got to tell you, I never heard of a 9:30 cut-off.
我真的很抱歉 I'm sorry about this.
就给我两秒 我一会儿就消失 It'll take me two seconds, and I'll be out of your hair.
但是我没找到 它肯定没在这儿 I don't have it, though. It's not here.
嗨 布拉德 Hi, Brad.
这么晚过来真抱歉 Sorry for coming over so late...
但是这个本子真的很重要 but this pad is really important.
你确定你没看见？棕色的 边上是黑色的 没有？ You sure you haven't seen it? It's brown, it's got a black trim, no?
我就去厨房瞟一眼 马上就走 I'll just take a quick look in the kitchen. I'll be out of here in a second.
我就瞟一眼 I'll just take a quick look.
哦对了 这么晚给你们打电话我也很抱歉 我以为休息时间 Also, I'm sorry about calling so late, but I thought the cut-off time...
-是十点 -不 不是 - was 10:00. - No, it's not.
我们是九点半 It's 9:30 for us.
大多数人的休息时间都定在十点或者十点半 Most people have a 10:00 or 10:30 cut-off.
-我认为有小孩的话九点半很合适 -就我看来太早了 - I think 9:30 with kids is great. - Seems like an early cut-off to me.
-九点半是标配 -而且对于拜访者 截止时间差不多是九点 - It's pretty standard. - And for visitors, it's more like 9:00.
那是装电话本的 所以里面找不出什么的 Yeah. That's the telephone drawer, so there's not gonna be anything in there.
那些是我的笔记 这些是我的账单什么的 And those are my notes, and these are my bills and stuff.
我仔细找过了 拉里 没在厨房 I looked pretty carefully in here, Larry. It's not in the kitchen.
当然啦 那些是菜谱 Of course, those are cookbooks.
对不起 好吧 Sorry, okay.
-绝对不会... -你知道 有时... - It's definitely not... - You know, sometimes...
那些是餐巾 Those are napkins.
-我们明天会仔细找找的 拉里 -那些是盘垫子 - We'll look carefully tomorrow, Larry. - And those are place mats.
我去找找阳台 因为我们在那儿谈话了来着 I'm gonna check the patio, because that's where we were talking.
它有可能从我口袋里掉出来了 It may have dropped out of my pocket.
-哦我的天 -想让我把他踢出去吗？ - Oh, my God. - Want me to kick him out?
-你怎么把他踢出去？ -我会讲个笑话搪塞过去 - How are you gonna kick him out? - I'll make a joke.
那你就去讲个笑话吧 但是别搞的大家尴尬 If you can make a joke, but don't make this awkward.
好吧 我知道在哪里了 Okay, I realize where it is.
-我在那间办公室打过电话 -在我的办公室？ - I made a phone call in that office. - In my office?
让我去那个办公室找一下 Let me just check that office for one second.
你知道 我在那儿工作了一整天 真的没在那里 You know, I was working there all day. It's really not in there.
-拉里 你在干什么？ -不是 那是我坐过的地方 - Larry, what the hell are you doing? - No, that's where I was sitting.
-这太糟了 这不是什么好情况 -我很抱歉 好吧 - This is bad, this is not good. - I'm sorry, okay.
-我们干脆... -我在那儿坐过 - Let's just... - And I sat here.
-你在干什么？ -妈咪？ - What are you doing? - Mommy?
博比？这下好了！ Bobby? Great!
我们花了好久才哄他到睡觉 We had a hell of a time putting him to bed.
我很抱歉 好吧 I'm sorry, okay.
博比 你在干什么？太晚了 快上去 Bobby, what are you doing? It's so late. Go on upstairs...
你有看见一个小棕色本子吗？边上有点黑色装饰？ Did you find a little brown pad, it has a little black trimming on the side?
拉里 回家吧 拜托了 Larry, go home, please.
这真是奇怪！ It's just absurd!
-去睡觉 博比 -博比 没人生你的气 - Go to bed, Bobby. - Bobby, nobody's angry with you.
拉里 走 好吗？快走吧！ Larry, go. Okay? Just go!
拉里 走吧 我们要是找到 会送过来的好吧？ Larry, go! If we find it, we will bring it over, okay?
再见 刚才是哪出？ See you. What was that?
你觉得我现在能给纽约打电话吗？我要给宋飞打电话 Do you think I can call New York right now? I'm gonna call Seinfeld.
-我得把这事儿告诉他 -纽约休息时间定在多久？ - I gotta tell him about this. - What's the cut-off on New York?
-我不知道 -大概午夜？ - I don't know. - About midnight?
算了 这是可原谅的情况 Forget it, these are extenuating circumstances.
我一会儿就上来 I'm coming up in a second.
-我得打给宋飞 然后我就上来 -他不会信的 - I have to call Seinfeld, then I'll be right up. - He's not gonna believe it.
我简直不敢相信我要处理这事儿 I just can't believe that I have to deal with this!
他洗劫了我们整个房子 你知道他拿了什么东西吗？杰弗里 He has ransacked our entire house! Do you know what he took, Jeffrey?
你想知道这小屎球拿了啥吗？ Do you wanna know what this little shit took?
他把我们结婚录像拿了 好吧？ He took our wedding video, okay?
你就没有用脑子在思考 你知道为什么吗？ You weren't even thinking! You know why?
因为你是个又胖又欠操的小屁眼 你就是这个 'Cause you're a fat, fucking asshole, that's what you are.
这不是我的问题 这是你的问题 This is not my problem, this is your problem.
你知道吗？我要气炸了 杰弗里 Do you understand that? I'm pissed, Jeffrey!
我很生气 因为现在我整个生活都岌岌可危了 I am pissed, because my whole life is now in shambles!
我简直受够你了 I've just had it with you!
嗨 Hello.
我们正需要这个 "半夜叫醒我先生" This is all we need, "Mr. Wake me up in the middle of the night!"
你他妈来这儿干嘛？ What the fuck are you doing here?
杰夫和我打算一起玩一款新的高尔夫电脑游戏 Jeff and I were gonna play the new computer golf game.
是吗你俩？ Were you really?
让我告诉你某件事 拉里 杰夫的高尔夫电脑游戏也没有了 Let me tell you something, Larry. Jeff's computer golf game is gone!
电脑被偷了 电视被偷了 新款DVD放映机也被偷了 The computer's gone, the TV's gone, the new DVD player's gone.
都没有了！ Everything's gone!
我的结婚录像带也没了 因为你的这个胖傻经纪人 My wedding video is gone because your fat-fuck manager over here...
让一个混蛋小孩进了我家家门 好吧？ let an asshole kid into our house, okay?
你开心了吗？ You happy?
全没了！ All gone!
-不是他的错 -那是谁的错？ - It's not his fault. - Whose fault is it?
-不是拉里的... -是那个孩子的错 - It's not Larry's... - It's the kid's fault.
-不 我不觉得是孩子的错 -我会抓到他的 - No, I don't think it's the kid's fault. - I'm gonna get him!
你打算抓到他？你看看你 你真可怜 You're going to get him? Look at you, you're pathetic.
而且 拉里 顺便一提 And, Larry, by the way...
你那天夜里10:20打过来是他妈想干嘛？ what the fuck was that about, calling at 10:20 at night the other day?
-我以为休息时间定在10:30 -你知道我睡眠有问题？ - I thought the cut-off was 10:30. - You know I have trouble sleeping?
-你知道的 -我不知道 - Yes, you do. - Don't know that.
杰夫 你从来没给他说过我的睡眠问题？ Jeff, you never told him about my trouble sleeping?
-休息时间是十点 -十点 - The cut-off is 10:00! - 10:00.
白天事情太多了 A lot of things to do during the day.
我一旦要睡觉 就得服镇定剂 Once I go to sleep, then I have to take a Xanax!
-那晚我都要疯了 好吧？ -你们休息时间是十点 记住了 - I was crazy that night, okay? - You have a 10:00 cut-off, okay.
-听起来很合理 十点的休息时间 -请给点儿尊重 - It seems reasonable, a 10:00 cut-off. - Please respect that.
我刚好说到这儿了... While I'm on the subject...
你介绍来的那个傻逼屁脸律师是谁啊？ who is this schmuck, fuck-face lawyer you set us up with?
我能理解有人会把它看作巨大的判断失误 I could see how one could interpret that as a serious error in judgment.
你说对了 That's quite correct.
这还太保守了 因为这伙计花了我们 多少钱？ That's even an understatement, because that guy is costing us, how much money?
他花了我们多少钱来着？ 拉里 我该因为这个生气吗？ How much is he costing us? Larry, should I be upset about this?
只是一些物件 我们可以都替换掉的 They're just things. We can replace everything.
有些东西换不了 比如我奶奶的胸针... There's things we can't replace, like my grandmother's brooch...
-从俄罗斯带过来的 -他拿走了吗？ - from Russia. - Did he take it?
我不知道 我现在就去确认一下 I don't know. I'm gonna check that right now.
她从俄罗斯带过来的 逃过了大屠杀 她是被船运过来的 She brought it over from Russia, from a pogrom. She was in steerage.
那个要是丢了 我会变神经质的 If that's gone, I'm gonna be hysterical.
她一生劳苦把那个给了我！ She worked hard all her life to give that to me!
你一进来就看见这个 真抱歉 别 不要 拜托了 I'm sorry you walked in on that. No. Don't, please.
-再见 -不要啊 拜托了 我求求你 - Goodbye. - No, please, I'm begging you.
-待在这儿 -我不能待在这儿 - Just stay here. - I can't stay here.
不 相信我 那天杀的胸针最好别掉了 No, trust me. That fucking brooch better not be missing.
不见了 你天杀的 狗日的... It's gone, you fucking, motherfucking...
我要杀了你 杰夫 你个狗日的龟儿子！ I'll kill you, Jeff! You're a cocksucker, motherfucker!
我奶奶的胸针不见了 我没法替换那件物品 My grandmother's brooch is missing. I could not replace this item.
要是你在乎的东西掉了你怎么想？ What if something you cared about was missing?
-你屁都不在乎 -我的棒球卡 - You don't give a shit about anything! - My baseball cards.
好吧 瞧？不好笑了吧 All right. See? Now, it's not so funny anymore.
米奇曼托可能已经被偷了 Mickey Mantle might not be there.
米奇曼托:传奇棒球运动员
你就他妈跟个3岁孩子一样 还“我不在乎钱” Like the fucking 3-year-old that you are. "I don't care about the money."
-你能闭嘴吗？ -日你！ - Will you shut up? - Fuck you!
在那儿待着 我给你看样东西 Stay right there. I wanna show you something.
-你找到我本子了？ -比那还棒 你不会相信的 - You got my pad? - It's even better. You won't believe this.
我路过威尔希尔那家珠宝店 然后发现了那条手链 I went by that jewelry store on Wilshire and I found that bracelet.
-你敢相信吗？ -这个？ - Can you believe it? - This thing?
-这难道不是让人难以置信吗？ -同家店 那是茱莉亚... - Isn't that unbelievable? - The same store. That's where Julia...
-我不懂了 -我太兴奋了 我一次就买到了 - I don't get it. - I was so excited, I bought it at once.
-这些商家在卖高仿货吗？ -我得走了 我有个会 - Are they knocking these things off? - I gotta go. I've got a meeting.
-你能帮我把它收起来吗？ -我到处都找不到那个本子 - Will you put that away for me? - I can't find that pad anywhere.
我去了星巴克 他们那儿没有 我去了加油站 I went to Starbucks, they don't have it. I went to the gas station.
-我回来帮你找 拜 -拜 - I'll help you look when I get back, 'bye. - 'Bye.
嗨 快进来 Hi, come on in.
-吃了吗？ -吃了 - How are you? - Good.
-你吃了吗？ -也吃了 - How are you doing? - I'm okay.
嘿 听着 Hey, listen...
昨天晚上真是抱歉 I am so sorry about last night.
我简直是疯了 我万分道歉 That was just so insane. I completely apologize.
那简直不可理喻 但那本子的确太重要了 That was crazy, but that pad was just so important.
上面有九个月来的点子 就好像我失去了九个月的人生一样 It has nine months of ideas in there. It's like I've wasted nine months of my life.
你昨天找本子的时候 When you were looking around last night...
有没有看到我的手链？ did you see my bracelet?
因为我找不到我的手链了 你知道吧 你喜欢的那条？ Because I can't find my bracelet. You know the bracelet that you like?
你没看到？ You didn't see it?
没有 不过 你知道有趣的是什么吗？ No, but you know what's interesting?
谢丽儿恰好... Cheryl actually was just...
天呐 Jesus Christ.
-这事儿看起来很操蛋 我知道 -这是我的手链 - This looks bad, I know it does. - This is my bracelet.
谢丽儿买了一条和你... Cheryl bought the same bracelet that you...
-茱莉亚 我对你发誓 我没有... -你为什么这么做？ - Julia, I swear to you, I didn't... - Why are you doing this?
我没有拿你的手链 I didn't take your bracelet.
-那是谢丽儿的手链 茱莉亚 -这手链你就拿着吧 - That's Cheryl's bracelet, Julia. - You keep the bracelet now.
-我不想它出现在我家 我不想... -迪恩 请进 - I don't want it in my house. I don't want... - Dean, come on in.
迪恩 看啊 这是茱莉亚路易斯-德利法斯 记得吗？这是迪恩 Dean, look, it's Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Remember? This is Dean!
我们那天去的就是他家 这是茱莉亚 We went over to his house the other day. It's Julia.
这真是太棒了 This is fantastic.
我不敢相信我们真的见面了 这真棒 I can't believe we're actually meeting. This is great.
你那天本来该来 却没有出现？ You were supposed to come the other day, and you didn't show up?
好吧 我告诉你 伙计 Okay, can I tell you something, my friend?
你约好时间后 就要遵守约定！ When you make appointments, keep it!
因为现在我很忙 我就没法和你谈话了 Because now I'm busy, and I can't talk to you anymore.
遵守你自己的约定！ Keep your appointments.
我觉得我有点犯恶心 她电视上完全不是这样 I think I'm nauseous. She's certainly a lot different on television.
你猜啥？她是在生我的气 不是你 别往心上去 You know what? She's mad at me, not you. Don't take that personally.
那和你没关 好吧？ That has nothing to do with you, okay?
是我的原因 重要的是 你见过她了 It's me. The point is, you met her.
你见到茱莉亚路易斯-德利法斯了 伙计 你见过茱莉亚了 You met Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Come on, you met Julia.
你要的不就是这个吗？ 你见过她了 这不是很棒吗？ That's what you wanted, you met her. Isn't that fantastic?
-我觉得那很棒 -那糟透了 - I think that's great. - That was terrible.
那可能算是个偶遇 不是见面 That was maybe an encounter, but that's not a meeting.
我不知道你干嘛在这儿咬文嚼字 你见过她了 I don't know why you're quibbling about semantics here. You met her.
这是不愉快的见面 这不是个很长的见面 It was an unpleasant meeting, it wasn't a long meeting...
但是 不管怎样 这就是见面了啊 but it was, nevertheless, a meeting.
好吧 我们意见有分歧 这在法律中经常出现 Okay, we have a divergence of opinion. This happens all the time in law.
一个人持这样的观点 另一个人持另一种观点 One person sees it one way, another person sees it another way.
你把那看作是见面 我把它看作我生命中糟糕的一个时刻 You saw that as a meeting. I saw it as a horrible moment in my life.
好吧 滚 Okay, get out.
我来这儿是有原因的 There was a reason I came over.
-谢谢你 -我找到了这个 - Thank you. - I found this.
看起来眼熟吗？ Does that look familiar at all to you?
-这是... -你在哪儿找到的？ - Is that... - Yeah, where'd you get this?
在我家 椅子上的一个坐垫下面 It was in my house, under a cushion by the chair.
-我只是好奇那是不是你的 -是的 谢谢你 - I was just wondering if that was yours. - Yeah, thank you.
应该有个奖励来着 There's a reward involved in that.
看最前面 Look right in the front part.
写着,"赠500美刀于归还这个给L·大卫的人" It says, "$500 to the person who returns this to L. David."
我联想了一下 觉得L是代表拉里 I put two and two together and thought the "L" stood for Larry.
-是吗？ -我去拿支票 夏洛克 - Is that right? - I'll get a check, Sherlock.
-完美 支票就行 -也许你可以给自己买件新毛衣 - Perfect, check is fine. - Maybe you can get yourself a new sweater.
请写"E-I It's "E-I
"魏因斯托克." "Weinstock."
英语字幕来源：www.tvsubtitles.net 字幕翻译与制作：610